The InnKeeper's Wishlists & Gift Registries

The Gift Giving Love Language is the most challenging Love Language for me to speak. I have a very hard time with the acts of giving and receiving gifts. I am terrible about guessing what other people want, I have very particular tastes in what I want, and all of this is wrapped up in a great deal of baggage in the form of cultural obligations around gift giving. So most of the time, I would rather not have to buy gifts for other people and I would rather not receive gifts from other people. This social ritual often comes with hidden expectations and assumptions about reciprocity and reception and obligatory gratitude that causes me a lot of anxiety so I'd rather just skip the whole thing.

However, some people that I am close to have divested themselves of the cloak of obligation and freely give gifts without attachment to or expectation of gratitude or reciprocal gifts and who do not keep mental tallies of how many gifts they have given over time, how often, or how much they have spent. With those people, I enjoy the acts of receiving and giving gifts.

In addition, I have been living below the poverty line for many years now, and I have had to learn to swallow my pride of independence on too many occasions just to survive. I have gotten better at accepting gifts whether the gifts come with any implicit expectations or not by just refusing to take on the responsibility for the other person's expectations. So I will also accept gifts that are genuinely helpful as long as I can find a way out of being obligated. If people attach strings to their gifts, then even if they're helpful gifts, I will reject the gift.

So, with all that being said, if you would like to offer me a gift, the best way to avoid all the pitfalls and complications is to get me something that's on one of my wishlists and to do so without expecting anything in return. Some fans and internet-friends have expressed a desire to help me out when I have hit hard times but were afraid of coming across as "creepy" or "intrusive" for offering assistance. So I have made my wishlists public - if you can see them (and you don't expect anything in return), then you can get me a gift.

But please, if you choose to get something for me, please mark it off as "purchased" on the wishlist so that nobody else buys it and please indicate who you are either on the wishlist itself or in some kind of note or gift tag or email or something so that I can thank you. I suppose if you really want to be anonymous, you can, but I would like to express my appreciation because Words of Affirmation is one of my stronger Love Languages. I have had a couple of gifts show up on my doorstep with no "from" label, and I continue to feel bad that I haven't thanked the givers for their gifts. But they are appreciated, whoever sent them.

My wishlists are made of things that I am hoping to have someday, whether someone else gets them for me or I get them myself. That's why I call these "wishlists" and not "somebody go buy me these things lists". Not everything on the list is appropriate as a gift, such as the thousand-dollar-mattress or the several-hundred-dollar electric scooter. If you really want to get me something, please feel free to limit yourself to what you consider "reasonable spending". I have so many items that I would like to have someday, that I separated them out into several different lists:

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